Unlocking Lasting Change: The Pitfalls of New Year's Resolutions and the Power of Quality Words to Live By
It's the season when traditions and societal expectations prompt us to select fresh goals or resolutions, aspiring to improve the upcoming year over the last. Although New Year's resolutions can serve as a constructive method for setting goals and instigating positive changes, they also have the potential to become detrimental, impacting our mental well-being. According to the New York Times, “80% of people fail to complete their new year’s resolutions by February”. This can negatively affect our overall motivation and mental well-being. Here are various reasons why resolutions may lead to unfavorable effects on our mental health.
1. Unrealistic Expectations:
People often set ambitious resolutions that are difficult to achieve in a short period. Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration, disappointment, and a sense of failure if the goals are not met.
2. All-or-Nothing Mentality:
Resolutions can sometimes foster an all-or-nothing mindset. If individuals experience setbacks or don't meet their goals perfectly, they may abandon the resolution altogether rather than making gradual progress.
3. Short-Term Focus:
Resolutions are often centered around short-term goals, and individuals may lose motivation once the initial excitement wears off. This short-term focus can lead to a lack of sustained commitment to long-term lifestyle changes.
4. External Pressures:
Social and cultural pressures surrounding New Year's resolutions can contribute to stress and increase mental health challenges. The expectation to set resolutions and the subsequent pressure to achieve them can be overwhelming and counterproductive for many, especially those who already struggle with mental health conditions.
5. Negative Self-Talk:
If individuals struggle to keep up with their resolutions, they may engage in negative self-talk and self-criticism. This can have detrimental effects on mental well-being and self-esteem.
6. Lack of Flexibility:
Resolutions often lack flexibility, as they are specific goals set at the beginning of the year. Life is unpredictable, and rigid resolutions may not account for changing circumstances or priorities.
7. Focus on External Validation:
Some resolutions are driven by societal expectations or a desire for external validation rather than personal growth. This can lead to a lack of authenticity in pursuing goals that truly align with one's values and aspirations.
8. Overemphasis on Results:
Resolutions tend to focus on end results rather than the process of personal development. The emphasis on achieving a specific outcome can overshadow the importance of the journey and the lessons learned along the way.
9. Comparison with Others:
The tradition of sharing resolutions can lead to comparisons with others. This comparison can create feelings of inadequacy or competition rather than fostering a supportive and collaborative environment.
10. Neglecting Self-Care:
The pursuit of resolutions can sometimes lead individuals to neglect self-care. Overly ambitious goals may result in neglecting mental and physical well-being, as people may prioritize the resolution at the expense of their overall health.
It's important to approach goal-setting with a balanced and realistic mindset. Instead of focusing solely on New Year's resolutions, individuals may benefit from setting gradual, achievable goals throughout the year and maintaining a flexible and compassionate approach to personal growth.
On a personal note, I abandoned the practice of setting New Year's resolutions several years ago. I came to the realization that they were hindering my personal growth, keeping me stuck in an unproductive cycle of incomplete commitments, and fueling a negative thought process. A friend introduced me to the concept of living by a chosen quality that aligns with my core life values, devoid of rigid measurements. These qualities serve as constant reminders of the kind of life I aim to lead. Here are a few examples of qualities I have chosen to embrace over the years:
Integrity
Tolerance
Self-Respect
Peace
Compassion
Confidence
Grace
Kindness
Love
Passion
Forgiveness
Patience
Check out this link to James Clear, New York’s Best selling author for more values.
This year, I've chosen "intuition" as my guiding word. I acknowledge that my internal compass guides me toward what is right and optimal for my well-being. Each day, my primary focus will involve introspection and a mindful listening to my intuition. I would love to know the quality or word you've embraced—please feel free to share your thoughts!
Hoping the best for you and your family in this new year!
We provide a complimentary 15-minute consultation for those seeking extra assistance. Kindly contact me through the Calendly link below, and it would be my privilege to offer you support.
https://calendly.com/mewsicmoves/mewsicmoves
John Mews, LMFT, MT
CEO/Founder/Owner - Mewsic Moves
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Music Therapist